The Right Timing

I swear, sometimes God knows exactly what we need. In my last post, I was trying to carefully explain my situation with my future sister-in-law.  The very next day, I was talking to a friend of mine, Joelle,  who I used to teach with, but we now live four hours apart. I explained the situation to her, and received some very unexpected and truly welcome advice. Instead of jumping on the hater train, like my sister, Joelle reminded me that I cannot control things.

Letting go of control is something that I am constantly working on. I tend to stress over things I have no control over. Joelle reminded me that I cannot control the fact that my sister-in-law (SIL, for ease) is also engaged. But when if we have identical wedding, Joelle reminded me, our weddings will still be different because Evan and I are a very different couple from SIL and her fiance. Our personalities and guests will be different enough to make our wedding special to us.  Also, Joelle once again reminded me, that its just one day. One party. Its the marriage that will be memorable.

I was so glad that I got to talk to Joelle. She is a few years old than I am and has had some major life experiences so she doles out good advice. We understand each other so well but are able to look at each others' situations objectively. This is why I went to her for advice about the double engagement and she comes to me for advice about her dating life.

On the same night as my conversation with Joelle, I was reading through my long list of blogs that I follow.  And one of the blogs I read features a girl who is experiencing a similar situation. She got engaged in early December and her brother proposed to his girlfriend over the Christmas holiday. But rather than get jealous, upset, or accusatory, she embraced it.

And I immediately knew that God was sending me a message.

So I have decided to embrace it. As Jo said, even if we have copy cat weddings, our weddings will have an individual flavor because we are very different people. Even though Evan and his sister are siblings, they are very different people. So why shouldn't SIL and I rely on each other? As I was bemoaning in a previous post, wedding planning is stressful and not always fun.

So I invited SIL to go to a bridal show with me. We are going to attend this Sunday, just the two of us. No maid-of-honors or moms or fiances. Just the two of us, for some sister-in-law bonding time. God knew exactly what I needed.

Well, that's awkward.

I've been away for a bit because I've been so focused on work and wedding planning. Work has been crazy because its the time of the year that we write IEPs.  If you do not know what an IEP is, it stands for Individualized Education Plan.  IEPs are written for students who have a documented disability that affects their learning.  In addition to teaching seven different classes, I'm also the case manager for five students (and a new student was supposed to start today--but we have a snow day). Therefore, I have to write six IEPs by February 4th.

Anyway, a bit of a wrench has been thrown into our wedding plans.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about it on here.  Its kind of a personal thing and I don't want it to be taken the wrong way. But its a real thing and if there is one thing I want this blog to be, its real and honest. So here it goes. Please, don't judge me too harshly.

My fiance's sister has gotten engaged.  Her boyfriend proposed during the countdown on New Year's Eve.  Now, in any other circumstances, I would be very happy for my future sister-in-law.  I want her to be happy.  But his sister only just graduated from high school this past June. She's 18.  She's going to school part-time in hopes of getting into nursing school. Her new fiance is also planning on applying to nursing school.  But neither of them realize that there is a two-year waiting list for nursing school and they haven't gotten themselves on that waiting list. I fear--and I know her mother feels the same way--that between getting married and a long waiting list for nursing school, that my future sister-in-law will not end up getting her degree.

 SIL's Ring

The timing is also weird. Only one month after I got engaged. I have to admit, I was hurt, even though I expected it. I felt like all the excitement I had gotten from her was really about her own impending engagement. And she deliberately waited to tell me and Evan about her engagement last.  Everyone else knew and they were all afraid to tell us.  Which tells me something--that they knew it was the wrong timing.

Futhermore, her fiance asked their dad for permission and he said no, to wait until after she had her degree. And the kid proposed anyway! That kid's got balls!

But the worst part is that its turned into a competition.  My wedding versus hers. And no matter how hard I try, it still is a competition.  Its very awkward now.  Her ring is bigger than mine. I'm having a more expensive venue.  She's spending more on her dress. Etc. Its become a huge stressor and makes wedding planning a lot less fun when I'm constantly thinking about how I can individualize my wedding.  Which should not be my concern.

I'm trying not to be a petty bitch. But the whole situation really does bother me.  I don't want to compete with her.  I don't want that to even be a concern. But I don't want a copy-cat wedding either.

I'm trying very hard to put it out of my mind and not let it bother me. But if anyone is reading this, I thank you for not judging me too harshly and allowing me to rant a little bit to get it off my chest.

The Pressures of Wedding Planning

On November 21, 2012 my boyfriend of 5+ years proposed to me and I accepted.

On November 22, 2012, people began asking me for wedding plans.  The only wedding plan I had was that my wedding was going to be two years away.  Even people I barely know love to ask me about my wedding plans.  And even though I love a good wedding show (hello, Say Yes to the Dress), I really do not have a solid plan for my wedding.

I'm finding there is a lot of pressure with wedding planning. Pressure to have a gorgeous wedding, to please my mother, to please my future mother-in-law.  Pressure to already know exactly what I want in my wedding.  And I don't.  In fact, the idea of standing up in front of dozens and dozens of people actually kind of terrifies me.

My mom--and lots of other people--keep telling me to do what I want because its my wedding. Which I totally get.  But, to me, a wedding is much more than my day.  Its two families coming together.  Its my opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with my future in-laws.  Its a bonding experience with my friends and family.  So I don't feel like I can do whatever I want.  I do feel the need to people-please.

And I feel the financial crunch.  These $27,000 weddings (the national average) are insane.  I'd rather spend that money on a house.  Or a trip to Europe.  Or saving up to adopt future children.  I do not see the point in spending that much money on one day.

But, my goodness, are these things expensive.  I'm thankful that we have two years to work on paying for all this.

So I have a wedding date. November 8, 2014, which also happens to be my grandmother's birthday and she is honored.  I have my matron and maid of honor. And, most importantly, I have an amazing fiance who is willing to do just about anything for me.


And, in the meantime, I will Pinterest my heart away.

My Life. My Blog.

Hi, I'm Rin, and welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere.  I'm an avid blog reader and, while I'm not sure I really have anything important to contribute to the internet, I do enjoy the community of the blog world. So here is probably my fourth or fifth attempt at creating a worthwhile blog.

I'm a twenty-something living in upstate New York.  I'm a special education teacher for a local BOCES.  I teach middle and high school.  Due to my profession and computer-savvy students, I will be keeping my identity somewhat protected, as I have no desire for them to take part in my blog.  I love my students, but I do like to have some life outside of them.

I'm also a full-time graduate student working on a master's degree in literacy.  I currently hold a bachelor's degree and certification in Secondary English and Secondary Special Education. 

I also recently became engaged, so I'm also working on planning a wedding.


On this blog, I plan to detail my life as a recent college graduate, new teacher, bride-to-be, and any other adventures life takes me on.